Hey everyone been a long time since I was on. I know I promised to keep up my post and I have been trying. Once I begin to write I eat sleep and breath it.
Well I'm so excited!! My new book is ready to be read by my beta's and then sent to my miracle worker my editor.(doing a happy dance while my kids laugh at me calling me crazy) Yep that's me!
My title has finally made a home in my heart were I wanted too. It just felt right so when I typed the last paragraph as my fingers glided across the keypad there it was. That title made itself at home on the last line!
Here's the sneak peak of a chapter. Just keep in mind its un edited and ruff! Well might be ruff I should say! Hope you enjoy it!!
To Darkness With Love
Chapter
20
I stood outside watching as the sun rose and my own
beast rose with it. The rage over my
loss was eating me alive and I had to go.
I packed up then got back in the SUV.
I drove the ten minutes to the warehouse. The bay doors stood open so I got out and
walked in. A guy with silver hair spoke
to me.
“What can I do for you?” He is working a mold that
as I get closer looks just like a real body.
Looking around the warehouse I see more of them like some kind of body
farm of plastic and silicone.
“I have a question about a receipt.” I hold out my phone showing him it.
“Yeah I remember that order. Give me a minute and
I’ll take you to it.” I wait as he puts
porcelain eye balls in the eye sockets.
When he was satisfied with placement he wove me over with his
fingers. “I’s in the back ready for your
pick up. They called and said it would
be a week later than originally planned.
I told them not a problem I had the space.” He laughed as we took a turn
that ended at a set of bay doors. “You
starting Halloween early? Unusually
people do this to play a trick on someone so when he came in to be
molded.” He scratched his head. “Well let’s get this open then you can make
sure it’s to your liking.” The crate was
open!
“When was the original pick up?” I asked him as I looked at the contents.
“A week ago.
The call to hold it was put in six weeks ago. We had another one he had done about five
months ago. It was picked up a last month
around the 23rd of July. I
thought they forgot about this one when they had the other. But here you
are!” He smiled opening the bay and
getting a few guys to load it for me.
I looked down into a face that dances in my dreams
and lingers in every memory. The face
and body of perfect proportion to the man who sheltered me with his body. The
man who gave life to our boys and who had secrets that ran deep. There was no doubt he loved me or the lengths
he would go to keep me safe. Were we hit
by accident or was it on purpose.
Another fake just like this was picked up weeks ago the same day Ethan
dies. Someone was playing games and it
was time to find out who was on my side and how much they knew. I watched as they put the lid back on then
took it to the SUV the seats were all laid back. So when I pulled away with a body of my dead
husband I felt relief. One thing was
answered now I had to get the wolf to take off the sheep’s clothing. Kissing Jake would make me sick but maybe it
will flush him out.
Finding a storage shed without showing ID was hard
so I called my daddy their garage was air conditioned. I didn’t want my husband to melt what kind of
wife would that make me. I’ll tell you
the kind who is laughing as she drives down the interstate, with a silicone
mold of her son’s father in the back seat, worried about him melting. Sick shit
for sure.
Daddy didn’t ask what was in the crate as he
unloaded it with Roger. I did one better
and swore them to secrecy like a little kid.
They couldn’t tell mamma, Nancy or even Bo. They handed me the crow bar I asked for. I pried the lid off as my daddy jumped back
in fear I robbed his grave and was really going over the deep end. I laughed so hard I fell to the floor as
Roger reached in touching his face. I
said “Boo” real loud and he too jumped. They told me it wasn’t funny as I
laughed and they both looked at me wanting to ask more questions. I left telling them they would be seeing the
boys soon. What I meant was the older
boys. I wanted then to bring this to the
house. The basement should be a good place for it. Then what I have in mind with it will get
them all. I said sick right!
It was ten AM
when I walk in the door to two sleeping babies and two big guys holding them
with frantic eyes. They watch me as I
smile and step through to the kitchen to put away the bottles I pumped while I
was gone. I still have to be
responsible. The house was quite as I
walked back into the front room. Those
two sets of frantic eyes were now pissed as they took in the outfit I wore
yesterday clean hair and make-up face.
Nick watched me as Eyan looked me over.
My smiled got wider. I had hugged
Roger before I left my parents so his cologne would cling to me. Bending over I kiss the boys one at a time on
their forehead. Neither stir as Nick and
Eyan take a whiff of me. The accusations
in one set of eyes made me want to tell the truth but I had to fight for the
answers I wanted. I turn to walk away as
Eyan try to take my hand. I pull away
fast.
“I have to go back out later and before you ask,
it’s none of your business. School
starts back up tomorrow so I won’t be late.
These little guys are going to my parents so we all a few hours
off.” I walked away as Nick and Eyan
talked in angry voices.
“Baily, would you want to get something to eat later
before your plans.” Eyan asked. Well kind sir.
“Sorry I don’t cheat. Never have and I sure won’t start now! Besides if I catch any one of you guys Chris,
Bo or Travis following me I will lose your trail and leave my Durango to catch
a ride with the person I’m seeing.” I
walk away to pack the boys’ bag. Mamma
will be here in an hour to take them.
She and Nancy were so excited when daddy told them.
I was on the diapers when Chris walked in shutting
their door. He came up behind me
wrapping me in a hug so tight. I needed
it so I let him hold me as we sank to the floor and I whispered to him I had to
fight and he couldn’t help me. He said
nothing as he rubbed my back and kissed my temple like Ethan and Bo did to
soothe me. He was the only connection I
had left to Ethan and the truth. So I
need him to believe in me to trust me as I hurt them all and watch as my cards
fall into place. Eyan opens the door
seeing us like this and stands there with pain in those blue eyes of his. He knew nothing of my pain. He didn’t eat sleep and drink it like I
do. And I wore my grief on my sleeve. Well really I do as the angel sits weeping as
I do. I’m wiser and have thicker skin
now and I can’t back down, I have come too far to stop this girl who lost it
all for a reason. A reason everyone
knows but me!
Mamma and Nancy came to get the boys right on time
so it left me time to find the right outfit for tonight. I had showered as the guys kept walking bye my
door like they were pacing. My hair was
curled at the end just for a sexy wave.
Then I pulled it back letting my long black mess twirl down my
back. A pair of skin tight curvy jeans
that look like I sprayed them on. Man
Jackie did a good job helping me get new clothes. My stomach was flat even after only having
twins a month ago. I chose a strapless
bra top from Victoria Secret in black. It was cute having some material that hung
down to the fly of my jeans. The little
bow at the waist completed it as the fabric still let nothing to imagine. I spray some Incredible on and hit all the
right spots. It’s four and I’m ready to
head out. After all I’ll have to lose
them. I text Jake I was on my way and
laying low.
I walk out my bedroom door to Chris almost going
knee first down the stairs. His mouth
was open as he held on to the banister for dear life. After he recovered he pointed his finger at
me like I was a kid.
“Go change!” He
said with his finger pointing toward my door.
“Nope I’m a big girl Chris, you guys have to get
used to it besides. Who really wants a teenage widow with two babies? I get to have fun just like you guys, I’ll
even follow the rules and not bring them home.”
I walked by kissed him on the cheek and went down the stairs.
The others looked pissed with me and my choice of
clothing or lack of. Eyan came in after
having his head in the fridge unable to keep his mouth shut. He walked over to me like a predator, it felt
good. This type of attention the bad girl craved. She was out to play tonight but not for that
she need answers and would play dirty getting them any way she could. He was in my face and he smell good enough to
lick the same cologne as Ethan. The eyes
had rage and something else I missed as he growled deep in his throat.
“Go change.”
He stepped closer as is chest hit and he bounced off mine. He looked
down real quick them back to my eyes. I
stood my ground as a motorcycle reeved outside my queue to go. I made a change of plans. After all seeing is believing they taught me
that.
“NO.” I said loud with a hard voice as he looked
taken back. “You might be Ethan’s cousin
but you’re not him. You’re not my
husband, he left me and this to do all alone.
Step back or you’ll lose your jewels.”
Nick grabbed him as I walked back wards breaking my heart as I
went. They came to the porch to see a
big guy on a motorcycle with a helmet waiting.
Jake wore his helmet so you didn’t even know it was him. I take the helmet as he hold my hips to him
and Nick and Bo hold Chris and Eyan back.
Travis stands in the front with his arms cross over his chest. He is watching everything to not miss even a
flinch. I straddled the bike wrapping
myself around Jake as tight as I can. I
have to admit the thought was fine but actually sitting on it was another. Scared shitless was all I have to say.
An hour later we hop off at the guest house doors.
He drove around getting take out then here we are. Anyone who followed would have been able to
catch us. He drove it like he lived “hell
bent and crazy”. I took my helmet off
after he took his off. He placed them in
a compartment under the seat. He took
the bag of food inside with us. The
place hadn’t changed except for the pictures of us all over the wall. Some of the boys and me. One where he photo shopped himself in
it. It looked real and one at the
hospital in NICU where he held them both with tears in his eyes. He caught me looking.
"That was taken the day you had them.” He answered the question in my head. “The
nurse gave me a wrist band.” He reached over to the coffee table to pick up the
one that matched mine then with two bracelets formed into one. “They told me you were in shock from the
accident. I had just got home when Dr. Nash’s
office called they said there had been an accident to be at the hospital. He told me you were in shock and Bo was with
you.” He swallowed the sorrow and fill
himself with the rage. “I was so pissed
that he was there for you, until I heard you begging for Ethan. He talked you down as they wheeled you
away. I waited on the delivery floor to
find out they took you to a special room used for emergency cases. The nurses were talking about you. They said
the babies had been hurt but not as bad as they thought when you were called in
from the crash. Ethan had taken the full
impact.” He swallowed then shook himself
back to the now! “When I was in the ER
I heard him talking to his parents and the doctors then an hour they said he
died. It didn’t make since until I saw
his body. It looked paraffin and stiff I
couldn’t look, thinking it was almost you.
I made it back upstairs as the last little one was wheeled out. I already had my wrist band so they let me in. The doctor was wrapping the cast when I set
eyes on the one I hadn’t seen yet.” He
looked at me. “I feel in love with them
weather they were mine or not they still had you in them.” He laid out the food he had been collecting
as he talks. I got more answers the
first five minutes in here than I ever thought I would.
“They are something special aren’t they? I mean they
both are so different.” I looked at the
food I was hungry as I always was any more.
Digging in I pick up the water bottle and down it. He goes and gets me another. After we eat we talk about this and that. The house and my new SUV, did I like living
with all the guys. I told him our deal
and what they all did to help out, not surprised he knew some of it from nosy
neighbors. I told him I needed to get
back the boys were being dropped off soon and the guys might not be there. He came forward pulling me close and kissed
me. I knew he would but the passion I
used to feel was gone and replaced with disgust. Playing my part from there on out was hard. I
felt dirty like I was cheating. When his
hand raise up higher to touch I let him!
He was gentle as I held myself to him like I used to do.
Fifteen minutes I was shaking my hair out of the
helmet I had taken my hair band out before I put it on this time. One lone person sat on the porch as I
approached. Eyan! He looked like he had been crying as he had
watched me detangle myself from Jake. I
sat beside him looking out over the yard one day soon the boys would play
in. The flowers that bloomed along the
pathway up to the stairs. I knew tomorrow Chris would mow the grass, his shirt
off and the house wives would be out doing something mundane looking as they
ate him up with their eyes. We sat in silence until he reached for me and I
pulled away again. If I let him touch me this night would have been for nothing.
“Why, why won’t you let me touch you?” His voice broke and I bleed all over again.
“Not everything is what it seems!” I said matter of fact as his breath hitched
and I got up walking away. He stood up
and grabbed me holding me to him. His
lips were on mine and the loneliness was gone.
A piece came home if only for a second that I stole happiness from a
form of my husband. He held me ravishing
my body with his hands greedy and needy.
The scar became my favorite as I bite down on it feeling the hardness of
scar tissue. I played with it rolling it
around until I had to stop. My hand came
out and slapped him. He let go of me
unsure why I did it. I ran to the door
flinging it open.
Bo and Travis
stood there ready to take on the rage Bo knew I had. My first punch goes to his face as he ducks
and I hit Travis instead. He stumbles a
little not ready for the blow. Not a sissy blow either. I sweep my leg out catching him this time and
he goes down. I take my issues to the
next one ready. Travis stands legs apart
like he was doing karate but me I could do it all. Cheerleading and mixed martial arts love my
mamma.
“You sure about this Trav. I don’t hit like a sissy!” He nods excitement in his eyes. I fake a punch bringing my knee up into his
hip bone. Yep limping tomorrow for
sure. He stood back up this time
unsure. I put my hair band back in ready
for when Bo got up from faking it My
jeans stretched which I’m sure they didn’t care about, but it gave me more
movement. Travis lunged for me as I brought my forearm up cracking him in the
throat. He held it trying to breathe. In
a second he would be fine just stun that a girl did it. Bo was up as Nick came in to see what the
heck was going on. Bo wrapped his arms
around my waist lifting me in the air as I flipped out of his grip and landed
with my feet firmly on the ground and Bo toppling back, back then down. My foot clipped his chin knocking him
out. They all stood there watching me
then looking to Bo where he didn’t move.
Nick stepped forward to get to Bo and when I shook my head no wiping the
blood from my lips he backed away with his hands in the air. Travis stayed down where he went trying to
breathe. I looked around my rage for
blood gone. Walking to the stairs Eyan
watches me. My bedroom door got locked
that night.
I woke to the monitor going off and the boys
crying. I knew I would have no help
tonight so I but a pair of Ethan’s sweats on.
Their door was already open as Eyan stood over a crib bending in to get
Nicky. I say noting as I got EJ and he followed me to my room. Door shut I sit on the bed getting ready as
EJ roots until he finds what he was looking for. I motion Eyan to bring Nicky
to me he hesitates until I give a look that says don’t mess with me. They are
eating as Eyan looks at me as I lay back eyes drifting close then open close
then open. They closed sometime and I
reached down to find neither boy in my lap.
I get up to check on them and they are sleeping soundly. Times like this is when I need Ethan and
times like this when I get to close my door and cry myself to sleep. I wake with Chris beside me and I’m snuggled
on his chest. Chest so bare I feel his
hairs on my cheek. We have school and I
have a stop before I get there. I nudge
Chris as he kisses my forehead leaving with messy bed head he is running his
hand threw just as Eyan comes out of the upstairs bathroom as my door
closes. Today I’m glad I have my own the
look on Eyan’s face was murderous.
Someone needed to clue him in on how Chris has held me through every
tear filled night since the accident.
“Were did she learn how to do that. I’m mean come on why did she just let Jake
slap her and drag her around?” Chris
asked the kitchen full of guys two of whom knew me longer than them.
“I told you all about the playground girl, well that
was her! Her mamma thought martial arts
would help her become more confident and that helped with cheer. She takes a lot and tries really hard to keep
it back but this last month has been a lot.
It’s taken her body this long to heal to be able and stretch like that
again. Trust me!” Bo tells them all the gory detail.
“She like knocked you out cold, had she done that
before?” Nick wanted to see how far I
was stressed and I have to say; No I can’t remember doing it before.
“No dude, and next time don’t puss out drag my ass
out of there.” Bo what a pansy. “She is up to something, she never spares for
blood like she did last night. I’m going
to her parents later after football practice to get her old bags and mats. The basement is perfect for a home gym. And I would prefer her take it out on them
then me!” Shit I had to call my daddy
and tell him to have it ready. I sent
him a text real quick and he replied back he would have it in the drive.
“Morning guys looks like were missing someone this
morning?” Eyan was missing and I could
breathe without wanting to stick my tongue down his throat. I walk over to the fridge getting the turkey
bacon and salad makings for my lunch out.
I grab a naked smoothie green machine.
After putting my bacon on a microwavable bacon plate I stick it in and
add the minutes. I open my smoothie and
chug it. They say nothing to me silent
treatment fine. I make my salad putting
the dressing in a separate container. I
toss in a few bottles of water and they just watched me. The boys are bathed
and dressed with diapers bags waiting thanks to my team. I grab the diapers bags and my books bag
taking them to the Durango. I sit Nicky by the side door taking EJ out
first. I come back for Nicky and the ass
hats are watching me through the window. Yeah I hope they had fun watching me
do this on my own because I just went on dinner strike.
I had slammed the side door so hard the frame
vibrated the windows. I get Nicky
buckled into his base and push my start button and my engine hum’s like a good
girl. The drive to Ethan’s parents is
filled with silence. In the drive sits
the black charger belonging to Eyan and James is still here. I get out and James comes to help taking
Nicky as I grab EJ and the diapers bags. Once in Kelly comes over kissing my cheek and
eyeing me as Eyan walks in. James and she looked at each other as their secret
stayed hidden. Eyan took EJ’s seat as I
followed him into the family room ready for them. James had Nicky out already talking to him as
he smiled at his grandpa’s funny voice.
I kissed the boys giving Kelly their feeding schedule. She and James looked uncomfortable about
something.
“Baily as you know Eyan is going to your
school.” They shared another look. “Well coach was going to retire Ethan’s
jersey number at the first game. We
talked with him and he said we had to get you to sign the form. But see Eyan wants to honor him and wear it
this year.” They looked to Eyan who held
both boys like he had been doing it since before he ever stepped foot in my
house. Kelly had tears in her eyes as she watched Eyan look at me.
“I think he would have loved it! I have study hall
this year last hour so I’ll have him bring it there.” I was unsure but the smile on Eyan’s face was
worth it.
“Baily you know where here for you no matter what
right?” Kelly asked.
“Yeah. If you
have any problems with them call me they are letting me keep my cell on for
them.” I kept forgetting the memorial
they made for him in front of the school, by the football field and our
locker. Every reminder I have to
face. I stumble a little hanging on to
the wall for support. The tears were
coming I had to get out of here.
“Baily, are you alright you just about fell
down?” James held my arm.
“Yeah just the day.
I have to go, but remember if they need me call!” I ran out the door hitting the unlock button
as I flew the driver’s door open and wrapped my arms around myself rocking back
and forth as tears flowed. I shut the
door and left. The mess I had to face
took me back to that day the day they began lying to me. I needed him and I had no idea where he was.
