Sunday, December 13, 2015

To review or not to view! What does a one star really say?

So any who follow me know that my To Darkness with Love series has been a love hate relationship for me. This book is my own project and probably not one most want to read. For that I'm alright with it!

I write for myself and on the off chance people check it out, maybe enjoying them as I go.

This series was my first romance in the YA department. I usually hang out in the paranormal section were I seem to fit in better. LOL. In saying that this book hit me, drop me to my knees like a lotus then my realization that this book was mine no one else has the right to belittle me on my writing unless they can say the same I am here. I use an editor due to I am not one, I am getting into doing my own cover art to save a few buck. If it begins to back fire then I will go back to my cover artist. But the big thing I have to say is this. I have the Courage to hit that publish button putting myself out there for those who like to rape me of my creativity or the way I do my thing. I am tired of the Judging when maybe you have not had the ability to do as I am; live a dream that is for me or anyone who wants to ride along on my journey. Words hurt weather I am an adult or not. Tough skin helps a lot but who do these people readers really think they are. I see it on other authors sites, on their reviews on Amazon. I do read too; and it sickens me that they pray on us. If they don't like the book ok, then just say that you didn't like it not the whole detail of why and what the author did wrong. That's the readers opinion the author more then likely wrote the book as they intended. Yes maybe you wanted it to be different but guess what the author didn't. The end...
Creativity weather in writing, painting, sculpture or slam poetry... to each their own!!!! 

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear~ Mark Twain

We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing,
while others judge us by what we have already done.
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Whoever undertakes to set himself up
as a judge of Truth and Knowledge
is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.
- Albert Einstein

When you are tempted to judge,
may you be reminded that we are ALL ONE,
and that every thought you think reverberates
across the universe touching everyone and everything.
- from the Simple Truths movie May You Be Blessed

We should not judge people by their peak of excellence; but by the distance they have traveled from the point where they started.
- Henry Ward Beecher

Don't judge me, you can't handle half of what I've dealt with. There's a reason I do the things I do, there's a reason I am who I am.~ Unknown

Monday, November 9, 2015

Been gone awhile but I'm back!!

I know I know. I keep coming and going. Will you forgive me if I say that I have been writing. I took my hubby's words of wisdom (this time lol) and let go. I threw my normal caution to the wind not talking to no one but family and close friends. Inspiration hit me hard!

My words are flowing and with great bands releasing some powerful lyrics in their music I have found that lost part of me. The woman who writes for herself. Like a lotus I was reborn form the mucky dark waters rising to the bright sun above. Well to the point lol!

Everyone thinks negativity can roll off most people or me for those who know me personally. But when I or I think any writer that's that one negative person get under their skin they rethink everything.  My children bring warmth and crazy to my life with their nature like mine everyday they grow up more and more. They my whole adult life are and will continue to be my number one priority. My husband and I have had ups and downs but in light of it all we are truly made for one another. He gets that I'm crazy, his kind of crazy. I'm devoted, to him and our family. I will fight to my death to protect us!

In all that I am putting my gloves on standing in the ring by myself once again ready to fight!  I will not allow myself to give up on my dreams. If I can tell my kids to never give up then I have to do the same.

So in saying all that... I have new babies on the way. I wrote for myself in hopes that in sharing you all like them too. I now have a Wattpad account with a button to the left side on here you can follow me. Cover updates are in the works. As long as the health of my children and my self continue then in December we should have new published works. For know here is a few chapters as well as a cover idea!

Chapter 1

 The sun was setting touching the sky, with orange and yellow flecks reflecting off the windows of the shops as I walked past.  Clouds were rolling in bringing the threat of rain.  I began walking a little faster as they neared the darkness that was fast approaching.  The only noise I could hear was from my stilettos clicking on the concrete walk.  I needed to reach my car before he did.  My thirst was under control for now but if he came any closer I could lose it.  After all it was a full moon out and I craved a little more than a caress, if you know what I mean?  As I got into my car I realized he was gone.  If I was right about him he would follow me home and then the Heifer was mine.  I backed out turning my lights on, looking out into the shadows as the lights skimmed every surface of the parking lot.  Pulling out of traffic I turned on my phone letting it sync with the blue tooth in my car.  Making sure it was secure I said "Call Andy” the phone dialed the number and it started to ring.  After three rings he picked up.  "Andy. Where are you right now?"


"I'm at the office finishing up some loose ends how did things go?"  Things would have gone better if that bitch would have done her job right, but no she couldn’t could she.


"I had a bit of a problem; it was fixed, but never put me into another mess like that again or it's your ass next.  Do you understand me?"  I was beginning to be their only miracle worker and that I was not.


"Sorry about that, but I had no choice she was talking and we couldn't have that.  Besides, it must have gone well only took you fifteen minutes."  Maybe I should tell him that dropping in on someone unexpectedly had its draws, especially when you're there to kill them.  Having fresh blood dripping down your clothes was unwanted, especially when I had to walk out of there innocently.


"I'm heading home so you can reach me there if you can't get threw on my cell."


"Ok boss, I'm out."  As silence replaced his voice I could concentrate on my drive.  No one seemed to be following me so I was safe for now.  The feeling in my gut made me aware that tension was riding the night, for a half breed that was never good!  My job was only half done and I never liked half assed.


I was turning onto Blossom where my house sat at the end of the road.  Living in a suburb with friendly neighbors, when you’re a hired gun, was never a good idea.  You never could afford to have a friends.  Trying to keep to yourself was easy at times.  My work was my life, so I never spent much time outside getting to meet them anyway.  Lucky for me that they weren't nosey, and maybe that was because they knew what I was.  The thought alone scared the shit out of most people.  I wasn't pale of skin or dark eyed, which was always the presumption for most, thanks to Hollywood's crap lies.  I own my own company and do jobs for the highest bidder.  I was raised in the military, as an army brat in many ways.  The only difference was I was what you could say their Pet Project.  No, I was not put in a cage but I was set tests most humans failed


We were one of their most lethal killers, besides the Vamps and other Breeds they brought in.  At fourteen I was sent on my first mission and came back their prized pupil.  I was trained with precise precision one shot one kill and I could use more than a gun.  I had teeth and a body and those I was taught to use to their fullest potential.  Working side by side, scientists and military personal I learned more than a good soldier should.  Being the best at what I did had a price and one that has never bothered me until today.  My training was superb but it was having a down fall.  I had jobs to do and my Uncle General Adam's made sure they were done accordingly.  Most of them came from 'friends of the family' the so called government.  There was always that husband, wife or lover that wanted to blab about things they should have never knew about in the first place.


Some people were too damn nosey for their own good.  But one thing they always wanted was money.  Money was what I delivered to them right before I took their life.  Greed always gets in the way.  Yes, they were given warnings to stay quiet but some didn't get the message and that's where I came in.  The saying 'don't shot the messenger' came the ones that knew how to heed the warnings.  They were also warning the other person don’t be stupid.  I was hired out last minute for the Mayor; his lover was going to his wife about their affair.  The problem was she had heard and been part of a conversation that could cause problems for a few other higher ranking officials.  They liked power and taking it away was not an option.  Too bad for them I was the enforcer to take their power or take their life.  The Mayor decided her life was the price to make the others pleased. 


I was growing tired of this shit just killing women who had wronged someone or had been wronged and the men always getting away Scott free.  They should know by now to keep it in their pants.  Walking up to my porch, I scan and scent for anything out of place.  The dog next door had pissed on my roses again and the birds in the tree out back had finally hatched their eggs.  Opening up my front door I walk in and lock it behind me.  I activate the security system that goes straight to Base as I grab an ice cold beer from the fridge.  The fridge holds a variety of cold cuts so I decide to make me a sandwich, once done I move to my office and open my desktop.  The monitor came to life as I take a sip and let it wash down the roast beef that had been calling my name.  The new cases that have just been opened up, sit waiting in the folder that Andy had set up. I began to opening them and see an image I have not seen since he broke my heart.


Opening file after file to see some have the same name but different pictures.  As I read through the case I see that this is not a request.  It's an order!  It's been years since I've had an order.  The last time I was still living with Uncle and I had to do as I was told, or live on Base.  I would have done just about anything then moved back to Base.  The men knew I was a lethal killer but still like to play their games as they did with all females.  Flirt, tease, wine and dine them or their favorite with me was to make a small cut on the side of their neck.  When I wouldn’t put out they would do that and call the MPS in charge of my security and have them drag me back to my room.  My punishments would get harsher each time, even when I stood up for myself and would scream that I had never bitten them, that they had bled themselves!  I was so enraged last time that Uncle finally believed me.  The next day he and the General watched as I killed the fucker who had told them all to do that to me.  All the soldiers on Base watched that day.  After that they gave me a wide birth when I was on Base.  Andy was the only one not scared of me.  So when they let me retire from their services, only to do the 'favors' they wanted for a reasonable price. I agreed, but only on the condition he came with me.


This picture and the man in it, had made me cry more than enough tears for a lifetime.  We were the same, half breeds no one else was compatible.  A Vampire would date me but they never wanted to do serious.  The whole daylight thing.  Werewolves wanted to find their Mate, their other half.  It could never be me, because my mother decided to hook up with a Vamp.  I was an outcast from her pack but raised with Uncle Adam's and he was too busy for pack things.  My father was out there somewhere or so I'm told.  They would never let me see or even find him.  My mother well she took off leaving me in the care of her brother, whom she knew didn’t care about the other part of my DNA.   This man staring back at me was my other half, my Mate but he refused me the same as the others.  Both of us having the same fate and the same Military family.  His Aunt raised him where Uncle raised me.


Friday, March 13, 2015

Trying to find the fun!

Everyone can take a negative comment roll over and get back up. It might take longer for others. Today I see that no matter what I do or don't do I am getting hit after hit by one blogger. My intention when I began to write was to get the anxiety and stress off my body and mind for my BP and over all health. Then I get screwed over by a company then I find one to take on my book again well I have figured out that the only person I can trust is my self. I wont screw myself over but I might lie to myself lol! I will always push me to be better and take on any challenges or so I thought. Today I have been blacklisted as a person and as an author. why because I used a company to do business with. This blogger hates the owner. Well since then the business has closed up. Me the crap from my past still haunts me.

I have books I cant finish because of the stress. The stress of putting myself out there again after this lady has trashed me even to this day. I was crapped on again by a close friend or one I had counted as one making her own Press then like always lies.

My hubby is so supportive as his money gets wasted with ever penny I spend to pay for cover art editing and promoting. See this lady don't see/care that she has not just hurt me but the author I am or was. I hurt deep inside. Yet she could care less. We teach our children about bulling and know we have to watch out for the cyber bullying also. That's with kids, but this lady is no kid, she just don't care the damage she does as long as she makes everyone stay away from the lady who owned the old company.

I am not that lady who owned a company that pissed her off. I am not a thief. But she calls me everything damaging people's perception of who I am or how I do business. That is just unfair. But I didn't get a say in her trashing my name no more then I got a say in getting lied to or screwed over. I get punished as my family watches me struggle with the beating she gave/gives me.

I am still standing but only as half the women I used to be. Maybe I will get her back maybe not but I know the truth and have an ally to help bring justice to this blogger who took more then my dignity but my dream.